So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
