Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
