note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
