i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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