I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
