Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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