they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
