My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
