I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
