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When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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