I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
