wakey wakey hands off snakey
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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