It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize