I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
