I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
