I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
