Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
