also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
