You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
