did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
