he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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