I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
