You just made me feel so damn special
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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