his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
