I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
