Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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