Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
