Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
