Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
