you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I AM VODKA MAN
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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