the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
