Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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