you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
