I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
