when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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