Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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