Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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