Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
