i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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