I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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