Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
