i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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