I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
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I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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