just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
