what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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