i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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