You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
