What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
