My sheets look like a crime scene.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
