so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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