how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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