The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize