I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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