ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
