I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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