When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
