If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
