how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
