Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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