so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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