Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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