i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
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Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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