i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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