put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
