The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
