I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
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No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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