I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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