I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
